I Need A Match

Having not written lately, what with Easter break and all, here's a quick update.

Move over Ashlee Simpson, there's a new talentless hack hitting the airwaves and TV lightbeams stuff. None other than senor (that would've looked a lot cooler with a squiggle above the n, and I know it's not called a squiggle, but you don't know what it is either, and if you do, congrats on knowing useless knowledge) Daddy Yankee, complete with his diamond-studded fraternity paddle.

Dear lord, his website is even annoying as all hell, my apologies.
While avoiding those horrid Mazda commercials during the Elite Eight this weekend, I happened upon his earth-changing song "Gasolina" on the sHits Countdown of MTV|2. After a mere thirty seconds, I heard the word 'gasolina' at least a dozen times. See, the lyrics, they only list the number of times Diddy Yankizzee says that cursed word, not the multitude of 'hassoleena' echoes from his hired slutbags dancers behind him. According to my translation, the song is about giving something to some dude hard and giving gas to a crazy person. Even if it's from Puerto Rico, rap music will still be inherently gay. Still, he's a better influence on today's youth than this daddy Yankee.

That's enough punishment for now. Wait, what's that? You want some Ashlee? Now her, I can get behind. On second thought, I don't know if I can ever get past the fact that she has a nose with it's own weather system.

Oh yea, and fuck you Sofie. Hawkins slips you the wang, gives you the big O, and you repay him by ruining all the man's good work by bringing Danzimger back to life. Are you petitioning for succubi worldwide?! What is the deal with all these actresses being lesbians anyhow?! Damn yous Clea Duvall, and you aren't even good looking!

- Wyrm